I can no longer make an emotional connection to my thought patterns and the things that I see. I am not referring to anything specifically or even anything significant. Anything really. The sky, the trees, the snow, my body, people, the lamp next to the fishtank, the coffee table. These very trivial house hold appliances and geographical entities for instance. I can no longer perform the mental curl up to connect these things to my emotional state of mind. Its very difficult to explain. Its debilitating for me to try and fathom every day things that human beings naturally have the ability to understand somewhere within their psychological mind, I am burnt out so to speak. I used to be able to look at things that exist and feel some sort of emotion about them or have a thought triggered by them. I no longer have those thought or emotional opinions. All I feel when I look at these things are nothingness. Absolutely no connection with everyday life whatsoever. It terrifies me to the point where I can barely function when I feel like im not really here, it feels like im watching my life take place from a mile away. I am 17 years old and in the midst of the dark hole that is my brain I have to start making moves with my life but how do you progress when you dont even have the ability to understand a fucking lamp. Their are so many expectations when it is debilitating to even wake up in the morning. Molly, Mandy, mdma that stupid fucking cunt ass bitch has single handedly ruined my life. She has been bottom-feeding from my Neuro transmitters, curb stomping my molecular structure since mid august after one bad roll I have never come out of . She will be the death of me mark my fucking words if their is no real help in this world that molly bitch will be the one to pull the trigger, not me. I lost control a very long time ago. I was doing ok for a little but it has gotten worst recently i wont give up hope that I will feel ok until their is insurance that im fucked but right now all I have is a mind with a masterlock on it and the fucking key was thrown off the Hudson river, so if I can fix this on an improvisation I should be ok but right now, at this moment in time, and if not forever, probably for a grip after I write this post I am motherfucked.
No longer can I make the emotional connection to the things that I see. Im not referring to seeing anything traumatic or even significant. Im referring to the walls in my house, the sky, trees, the snow, my body, my hair the lamp next to the fish tank, the coffee table what’s on t.v, its hard to explain but I used to have this thing in my brain that other human beings have. The ability to look at entities